I hate you
by deathsaprentice1
Summary: "Those words, so filled with animosity, were all that ran through Saruhikos head as warmth slipped slowly from his body, exiting from his wrists." Really depressing one-shot. warning, slight yaoi-suicide attempt-very mild language(there's like, maybe two curse words) rated T mostly for the attempted suicide.


_**Warnings: mild cursing-slight yaoi-attempted suicide**_

_**I do not own any of these characters**_

_**I'm so sorry this is depressing**_

_I hate you! _

Those words, so filled with animosity, were all that ran through Saruhikos head as warmth slipped slowly from his body, exiting from his wrists. His eyes fluttered open and closed, trying to decide if he was ready for eternal sleep or not as his hand clutched a crumpled sheet of paper tightly.

_I hate you! _

"I…wonder if… he…really… meant it…" Black spread across Saruhikos vision and he felt as though he were floating.

"…ke up…" Quiet mumbling disturbed Saruhikos deep slumber, making him growl out in annoyance.

"C'mon Fushimi, wake up." Saruhikos eyes shot open fast as the voice became eerily familiar. Bright red eyes met his own and he felt himself panic.

"M-Mikoto." A small chuckle escaped the lips of the older man as he stood above Saruhiko. "B...but you…you died…"

"So it seems…" The man mumbled in agreement.

Saruhiko looked around and found himself in an empty white room. There were no doors or windows, just four white walls and Mikoto. He sat up and looked down at himself and saw streaks of red still running down his wrists, staining the snow colored floor. The paper was still gripped tightly in his fist.

"So…does this mean that I'm…" Saruhiko paused, fearful of the possible reality.

"No, you're not dead. Just passed out." There was a hint of sadness that seemed to flow through Mikotos words. "You almost did though."

Mikoto knelt down next to where Saruhiko sat and sighed before wrapping his arms around him. Warmth spread out inside Saruhikos body and before he could stop himself he began to cry. Tears poured from his eyes and heart wrenching sobs echoed throughout the room. Incoherent cries came from Saruhikos mouth as he tried his best to say that he was sorry, but the words refused to come out fully. Mikoto only shushed him and held tighter.

"It's gunna be ok kid…you're not dead yet." Mikoto mumbled. "Now, I think it's time for you to wake up, Fushimi. He's waiting for you." Saruhiko looked up at the taller man in confusion, tears still streaming from his eyes.

"Wh-who?" Mikoto only smiled as everything began to fade around Saruhiko.

"Who do you think, kid?"

Saruhiko felt his tear filled eyes suddenly become heavy, and he fell back into the deep sleep he had once been in.

Saruhiko opened his eyes and, once again, was met with white. This time, however, it wasn't a pure snowy white, but the white tile ceiling of the hospital he lived near. A heavy weight moved against his chest, making it slightly hard to breath. He looked down, finding a familiar head of chestnut hair resting on him. He felt tears once again run down his face as he wrapped his arms around the younger boy atop of him.

"Saru…?" Misaki looked up at Saruhiko, dried tears still stained on his face. He suddenly jolted forward, holding Saruhiko tight and trembling against him.

"Misaki…what are you doing here…" Saruhiko mumbled quietly.

"Trying to make sure you don't fucking die on me you stupid fucking monkey!" Misaki tightened his grip on the other boy, as though he were afraid he would disappear all together. "Y-you're not allowed to die." Misaki sobbed.

"S…sorry" Saruhikos eyes suddenly met with Misakis' and he couldn't hold back the small whine that escaped his throat. "I'm s-so sorry Misaki."

Silence surrounded the two, only being interrupted by small sobs and the sound of birds chirping happily outside. Saruhiko couldn't bring himself to take his eyes off of Misaki even as his vision blurred with tears. He ran his fingers over the smaller boy, running them down to Misakis' lower back and resting his hands there. Misaki shivered and nuzzled into Saruhikos chest, gripping tightly onto his shirt with one hand and holding something in his other. Saruhikos eyes widened as he realized what it was in the other hand.

"Misaki…" Saruhiko mumbled quietly, breaking the soothing silence. "is that…"

"Y-yeah" Misaki answered, voice cracking as he gripped the crumpled up paper tighter. "I…I read it…"

Saruhiko tensed up, trying to remember what it was that he put in that note. It was all a blur in his mind, a tear filled mess of blood and ink slurred together as he scribbled down absolute nothingness. All he could remember was a thought, one single sentence going through his head.

_I hate you!_

Saruhikos eyes slammed shut as he tried to turn his mind off, tried to shut down all of his thought processes to block the words from his mind. He wanted to shut it out, but the words echoed through his mind, getting louder and louder by the second.

"S-Saru, are you ok?" Saruhiko opened his eyes up slowly, looking down at the worried face of the boy who lay atop of him. Beautiful hazel eyes met blue and Saruhikos mind went quiet.

"yeah…I'm fine-" Saruhiko suddenly winced as a weight pressed against his thigh painfully. Misaki let out a quiet whine as he started to move off of Saruhiko before finding himself held down by wary arms.

"I keep hurting you…" Misaki mumbled.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, this is all my fault isn't it! I should've never let you go, should've never said-" Misakis voice broke suddenly as he pressed himself against Saruhiko, trembling violently. His arms wrapped tightly around the taller as he nuzzled into the crook of Saruhikos neck. "I-I'm so fucking sorry Saru."

"It's not your fault…"

"Bullshit! It's entirely my fault, you did this because of what I said but…but I swear I didn't mean it, fuck…Saru…I fucking love you." Misaki pressed further into Saruhiko, cuddling up against him and sniffling quietly. Saruhiko tightened his grip on the shorter boy as he felt himself begin to tremble.

Silent tears and quiet sniffling was all that could be heard in the room as the two boys continued to tangle themselves further into each other, almost as though they were making up for all the time they had spent apart. Both soon fell into a deep slumber, being emotionally spent for the time being.

As they both slept peacefully, a taller man dressed entirely in blue walked quietly into the room, smiling ever so slightly. He started to exit the room but stopped as a small object caught his eye. A small crumpled up paper ball sat on the floor beside the bed. The man walked over quietly and picked up the paper ball, opening it slowly so as to avoid tearing it. His eyes widened as he read the messy handwriting on the paper.

_Misaki, I'm so sorry I left you. I really didn't want to but you didn't give me a choice. It was the only way to get you to see me. I was practically invisible before, but now I can't even tell if it was the right choice. I miss you so much but…I know you don't miss me anymore. You hate me. You said so yourself. I'm sorry that I fucked up…I hope that one day you'll forgive me._

_Saru._

The man glanced over to the bed where both of the boys still lay, pressed close enough to each other to almost be considered one person, and smiled. He tossed the paper into the nearest wastebasket, silently deciding that the note no longer was needed.

_**Alright, this is my first fan-fiction in a really long time, so i'm sorry for any poor grammar or misspellings or anything of the sort. Also sorry for how depressing this shit is. **_


End file.
